When You Are Asleep…

My child,

I need you to know that after you fall asleep I cry,

I cry for many reasons that I’ll tell you why.

If it had been a tough morning, a rough day, and a hectic night,

And I yelled a lot, gave time outs and just flat-out was not polite.

If the dogs got out, and you tried to tell me, but I was busy chasing your pantless brother

and instead of stopping to listen to you, I told you to go get them, as if you’re the mother.

If the milk was spilled, and the dinner was tossed,

And I moaned and groaned and picked out toys that you lost,

Just know that when your asleep that night, and your dreams have taken over,

Please know that is when I sit up and the day I think over.

Know that often I have sat and wondered,

“how is it that God gave me this gift of being a mother?’

“with my short temper, mood swings, and tantrums,

Just how was I rewarded with children so handsome?”

Not only are they beautiful inside and out, they are smart and funny,

and after days like today, they teach me a lot.

A lot about myself, my life and my heart.

This is when I realize how I’ve been blessed from the start.

I begin to cry with tears of guilt,

knowing that all my yelling is tearing down the people I’ve built.

I feel so helpless now that your asleep,

and all I want so badly is to hold you and weep.

I need you to wake back up so that I can tell you,

How sorry I am and I wish you knew.

As I pick up the living room, and ready your lunch,

I begin to realize you have a hunch,

A hunch of just how much you mean to me,

because when I look up, what do I see

But a Ziploc baggy “To Momma:” with a butterfly and sun

and an XOXO from my little one.

The tears get stronger, and my breathing grows fast,

because the guilt is over and I now know at last,

that the tears have turned to gratitude and praise,

for giving me these blessings, that I am proud to say I raised.

Because the rough days they come and go,

and the better days are so much more, so,

Even though, while you sleep, I cry

Please know that love is always the reason why.



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