Damn! I seriously wasn’t expecting 2019 to go out with such a bang for me, but wow! I can’t even begin to express my gratitude and appreciation for all the love and acceptance on the post and article. I honestly didn’t believe it when I was contacted for the interview and then when it was actually written, published and then shared by Jillian Michaels herself was a feeling I can only describe as a dream come true.
Honestly, the vulnerability I felt while sharing not only my story but my personal pictures was scary as hell. I have never in my life shared anything like that before and I kind of vowed to never let those pictures see the light of day, but when I thought about the positive effects it could have for some people by seeing “real life” so raw and un-edited, I said what the hell.. here’s to hoping! When I read the article published for the first time, I thought I would feel embarrassed and worried, but it was the exact opposite, I felt empowered and strong. For the first time (in foreverrrr , cue Anna 😉 ) I was following through with a promise I made to myself when I started this journey, practicing self-love. Positive talk towards my body.
Real, unselfish, fully- embracing self- love.
These past 2 years have finally brought peace to my life. In a way that’s a personal kind of peace that seems to be overflowing onto my friends and family. I found myself, not again, but for the very first time. I have always silenced my heart and listened to my head for fear of unacceptance, or heaven forbid “ mean or disagreeing comments”. I started loving myself and respecting my mind, thought process, and physical self. As soon as I started giving in to the things that fill my heart, all the pieces started falling into place. The more I exercised and filled my body with the right kind of nutrition, the more confidence I got, the easier my life became and most important I actually enjoyed being a mother, finally.
I know that last sentence seems harsh and probably gave some of you the heebie-jeebies, but seriously. I have been a mother for 10 years, and for the first 8 I parented from books, “ideals”, articles, and realities that I thought were just standard for parenting. Every time I made a decision for my kids, my head overhauled my heart and I went for what the rest of the world/internet was doing because I had NO self -confidence. I had no backbone to support my thoughts on life and personal choices because I was living behind this terrified, swollen, uncomfortable, shutter of a person. Hell, my anxiety was so high that I couldn’t even think straight, let alone reasonably . “Enjoying” motherhood has NOTHING to do with loving my kids either. I love them so much it fucking hurts, but most days, let’s be real, it’s the hardest shit I’ve ever done. So, to do it with self-love, confidence and a new direction of peace, made giving times outs, wiping snotty noses, and challenging bedtimes so much more enjoyable. I am firm in my choices, firm in my actions and my kids can see it too. They don’t love me any less for being a little more disciplinary, they even seem to love the sense of silliness I’m finally showing them. They love me, for me and I finally get to give them that raw unedited version of it.
I’m not about to use my blog to hound you with “do that” “try this”. And I won’t show you any videos of me physically doing any exercises, but I want to share my journey with you a little bit. I want to shed some light on how a ‘mom of 4’ got to this point in her life with no fancy equipment, or cute work out clothes… don’t get me wrong someday I will own a pair of gymsharks, and have a pelaton, but for now I need you to know that besides the exercise, past the nutrition, all you need is a little self- love…
trust me, Damnit.