Well I don’t think the star struck feeling will ever leave me when it comes to all of this, but I am focused on using my gift of writing to show you guys this journey I have been on and that it is not impossible, it’s not hard and that if it’s the one thing you do for yourself your whole life, it will be worth it.
My first focus for you to understand is the first thing I had to get past to really allow myself the privilege to heal. It was two weeks after I had Josie in 2016. I was feeling great, I was up doing laundry, I was running around after the kids. I was even starting to do 10 -20 minutes on my elliptical. I had three other kids, I knew better. I know that you must wait for clearance from your doctor to exercise, but I made a promise to myself that this was my year. This was the year I got my health in order and I wasn’t waiting on anyone to tell me to start. I had the motivation, I had the equipment, this was it. Then, Thanksgiving morning I woke up feeling a little bit crampy. Pushed through. Got the kids dressed, felt a little nauseous, pushed through. Got myself dressed, and then I felt it. A gush. I ran to the bathroom and found out I was bleeding pretty heavily and it wasn’t stopping. I yelled for Chad. I was terrified. I called my mom for the kids, stuck a giant adult diaper on and we rushed to the ER. Upon arrival they whisked me in and a few minutes into the consultation, I was being told “ Don’t worry, everyone freaks out after delivering a baby at the ‘normal process’” . I nicely cut them off and regretfully informed them “Listen, this is my fourth child, I’m not a medical professional, but I promise you this is not that.” Upon examination they quickly agreed. After scary urine samples, blood draws, IV’s and two different pelvic exams, I was released with the diagnosis that the scab from my placenta ( sorry TMI for some readers but there’s a point I promise) had ripped away too soon and since the bleeding was slowing down I was told to go home with strict instructions to rest and not do much of anything including picking up the baby or walk upstairs for a few days. I was told I pushed my body too much and it could have been a lot worse than what it was.
I was devastated, but I knew better. I am pretty in tune with my body but at this phase I chose NOT to listen to it. I selfishly pushed my poor, tired, exhausted body to do work it wasn’t ready for.
I was mentally un-grounded as well. It was like every time I was mentally ready to do something, I wasn’t physically, and vice versa. I couldn’t ever just hit the ground running when I wanted to. I was never going to achieve my goals sitting around waiting.
I, I , I .
This was a pivotal time for my mental healing.
After throwing a mild pity party for 5 months and using my elliptical as a clothes drying rack. I decided that I have been thinking about this all wrong. I realized that if I could change the way I saw my situation, then I could change the way I thought about a plan to achieve my goals. I started journaling things I was thankful to my body for. While not totally into Yoga yet at this point, I started meditating for 1 minute and just thinking positive thoughts. I gave my body appreciation. I gave it sympathy and nurturing. I started thanking each of my amazing body parts for creating the miracles it did. This is all I did for about 3 more months.
I wasn’t ready to start doing the work just yet, I was still terrified by the horrific scene from Thanksgiving. But yet it seemed to be enough for the time being. I started viewing my body different and for once I could look at my stretched out skin and be thankful.
It was this pivotal time, this quiet, slow, progress that gave me the ammunition to come up with a game plan. I knew what work outs I wanted to do, I knew what specific goals I had in mind, but all I had were more intense Jillian Michaels work outs that hurt my current body condition and made me too sore to do it again the next day, which intimidated me out of continuing. But with my new view on my “weak” condition, I wasn’t about to let it go. I knew there had to be other things out there and just because I wasn’t ready for Ripped in 30, didn’t mean there wasn’t something I COULD do. For once in my life it was clear to me that it took my body 8 years to get into this condition and “Ripped in THIRTY DAYS” was not even plausible and it certainly wasn’t going to do my body any good, and I’m in the business of taking care of it and nurturing it so that it can last me a lifetime.
That’s when I came across Jillian Micahels “Bounce Back Baby” DVD. I don’t have to tell you how well it worked for me, clearly you already know 😊
What I want you to take from this is to let go of your expectations.
Re-think your current goals and realize that they are NOT permanent goals. Set a more realistic goal, set your-self a sweet little reward at the completion of it and then SET ANOTHER GOAL.
I bet most of you are looking at a big picture goal “ I want to lose 30 pounds!” Great! But this is the long term goal. To stay motivated and to stay positive about your journey start with.. “When I lose 3 pounds, I will get my self those lash extensions I’ve wanted.” Trust me that was my first goal/reward 😊 but the feeling of accomplishment and empowerment I felt walking out of that lash appointment knowing I had hit my first goal and this reward was amazing, made me want to go home right that minute and get on to my next goal ( the next 5 pounds I lose, I will buy myself a Starbucks gift card)…
WHATEVER it is, start small… But more than that, Just START SOMEWHERE…
And listen to your body. Be honest with yourself, and give yourself TIME.
To be continued.